Bullying:

I was bullied a lot growing up.  In hindsight, although I'm not happy it happened, I do recognize that it made me a stronger and more empathetic person.  That being said, I still wonder what--if given the chance--I would  suggest my young self do to combat it happening at the time.  Of course this would all apply to someone I might be trying to help with the issue in present day as well.  Because it wasn't around when I was a kid I'm not going to comment on "cyber bullying".  I just don't have any experience with it.  Also, I think this will mostly be geared toward boys rather than girls.  Again, I just don't have any experience with the female perspective in regard to this subject

First things first, I would explain--in no uncertain terms--that in the adult world what we call "bullying" when we're children is a crime and can go by a number of different names to include: menacing, harassment, assault, etc.  If it happens in the workplace (an adult analog to school), people get fired.  If it happens on the "street" (public spaces), people can end up in jail.  As this is the case, I would want to have learned to use the resources I had available, e.g., teachers, councilors, administrators, even, if it came to it, police.  Get the "good guys" on your side and have them help create a paper trail.  This will help down the road to "build a case".

One of the most visceral memories I have of my bullying experiences is of the fear I felt in the face of intimidation, i.e., the knot it my stomach, uncontrollable shakiness, etc.  After having been in a lot of fights since that time I now know that the "fear" I was experiencing was actually just an adrenaline dump.  I wish that I had known then how to recognize and take advantage of it.  Perhaps the best thing for this, assuming you don't find yourself in situations that create adrenal dumps on a regular basis, is a course in "Adrenal Stress Conditioning".  I don't know if anyone is offering classes in this for kids but I believe this could be one of the best experiences available for a kid who is being bullied.

In this vein, I would also suggest taking up a martial art.  This is really about building self confidence rather than teaching a kid to how to fight.  Although there are a lot of options out there, and it is important to find one that fits a kids personality, I would suggest one with a fair amount of contact and competition like western boxing or wrestling, Muay Thai, Judo or Brazilian Jui-jitsu.  Another reason I would suggest one of these is that they are relatively straight forward and uncomplicated.  Because of the focus on both competition and simplicity, techniques can be applied soon after they are learned.  The reason I recommend a martial art with contact is that one of the hardest things for people who are unfamiliar with rough contact to deal with is the shock of being handled roughly against their will.  I have seen people--especially women--flip out when they are handled roughly against their will.  Learning to keep ones composers during a bullying encounter will go a long way to building self confidence and a positive reputation in ones peer community.

I've often wondered why I was singled out to be bullied.  The conclusion I've come up with is that, because of my ADHD, I was just different.  I thought a little differently, I acted differently, I was awkward and, very often, goofy.  All of this caused me to be a little short on self confidence.  This lack of self confidence was reflected in my body language.  One of the things I have learned through  my work and my study is that human predators, like animal predators, learn to seek out the young, the weak and the old in the "herd". Because we're talking about kids here rather than adults, and bullying tends to happen within peer groups rather than between different grades and/age groups, this leaves the weak.  Now, I would say that in an ideal world, just as in the case of rape, I believe that bullying is never the victims fault.  Unfortunately, this is not an ideal world and there is a lot one can do to at least help minimize the likelihood one will become a victim.  If you were to ask the predator, s/he will probably offer some insight as why they chose one person over another.  There was a study done some years ago (Grayson, B. and Stein, M.I. (1981) Attracting Assault: Victims' Nonverbal Cues. Journal of Communication 31 (1): 68-75.) that suggests that ones body language can influence whether or not a predator perceives a person as a potential victim.  Looking back on myself, I'm sure that I sent out some pretty strong victim tells.

I'm no expert on this topic and this is just some stuff I've thought about on the subject, but I think this might be some good "food for thought".  If you have any suggestions or comments on this post, I'd love to hear them.  I intend to have kids at some point and I may face having a kid who is bullied.  I'd like to try to "have my ducks in a row" as best I can if that time ever comes.