Thoughts on violence:

This post was originally an attempt to quantify and record my thoughts on the nature of interpersonal human violence.  I have tried to do this numerous times over the years and it hasn't happened yet, or at least not to my satisfaction.  One of the reasons for this is that my ADHD hasn't allowed me to effectively organize my thoughts well enough to present them to the public in a way that I would consider "credible".  Another reason that I am hesitant to approach the subject is that every time I read anything by Marc MacYoung and/or Rory Miller--two people I consider very credible (see links to the right)--I realize just how little I really know.

It occurred to me though that violence--or even disease, natural disasters, etc.--may be a function of the "natural order" of things.  Although these can cause suffering, they may be required for the overall healthy functioning of Earths biosphere.  In short, I suppose, population control.  This idea has trickled through the back of my mind in the past but I recently stumbled upon an article on the Scientific America website entitled "Why we live in dangerous places" that kind of allowed it to coalesce.

This article has me wondering if creating lasting peace, finding cures for diseases and developing ways to protect ourselves from natural disasters is really something we want to be doing for the long term survival of our species and the overall health of the planet.  I'm not suggesting that this is true but rather just sort of thinking out loud.

What 'sup with you?!:

Between my last post and looking at my blog stats, I got to wondering about my readers.  According to my stats page, as of this date, I've had people read my blog who are from the U.S. (97), Iran (24), Canada (11), Germany (7), France (3), Italy (3), Ukraine (3), Finland (2), Malta (2) and China (1).  Now, I know that some, if not all, of these could be many of the same people reading my blog multiple times, but I still find it fascinating.

As I've mentioned previously, I LOVE to travel and meet new people.  If you, the readers, would be so kind, I'd be very interested in learning more about you, e.g., where specifically are you from, what do you do for a living, what are your interests, etc., etc., etc.  Please don't just read my blog posts; leave a comment! Let me know your thoughts.  Do you agree with what I have to say?  Do you disagree with what I have to say?  Has anything similar happened to you?  In general, just let me know what 'sup with you!

My Galactic Address:

Being a fan of Spyderco Knives, I've noticed that they stamp "Golden, Colorado U.S.A. Earth" on the knives they produce in the United States and this got me thinking.  As an exercise, I thought I'd try to figure out what my entire address would be from the perspective of a "galactic" postal service.  I haven't entirely researched this on the Internet yet, so I'm sure it's not complete, but this is what I have so far:

(My home address)
(My neighborhood association)
(My city)
(My state)
West coast
United States of America
Northern Hemisphere
Western Hemisphere (not sure if one would go before the other)
Planet Earth
Sol System (Is this the correct designation of our solar system?)
Solar Interstellar Neighborhood
Orion Spur
Milky Way Galaxy
Local Galactic Group (Does it have another designation?)
Virgo Supercluster
Local Supercluster (Does it have another designation?)
What comes next?

As I am attempting to stay as anonymous as possible in in this blog I didn't include my latitudinal/longitudinal coordinates, though I'm sure it would help to deliver a letter from, say,  the Andromeda Galaxy. Can you imagine having to write all this on an envelope?!

If you know that anything above is wrong and/or you can add to it, please let me know...

A History of My Flashlights:

I'm kind of a "flash-o-holic".  Not as much as some people (check out CandlePowerForums to see what I mean. As with just about any tech subject, there are some real flashlight "geeks" out there!), but I have more flashlights than anybody I know personally and try to get the "newest best thing" when available, often to the detriment of my pocket book.

My interest in flashlights grew out my professional need for them and my fascination with the development of their application as a personal safety and self defense tool.  The fist "tactical" flashlight I ever purchased was a SureFire E2e with the corresponding GG&G TID (Tactical Impact Device. Sorry, the computer I'm using won't allow me to link to this.  You'll have to "Google" it yourself).  I carried this for many years as my EDC (Every Day Carry) light and thought it was "the shit" at a full 60 lumen (for reference, a MagLite incandescent 3 "C" cell puts out 45 lumen while a Mini MagLite incandescent 2 "AA" cell puts out 15 lumen.) 

I then started to do more uniform security (as compared to loss prevention) and wanted something a little more robust, so I purchased a Surefire M3.  This put out 125 lumen and I thought this was the peak of tactical flashlights!  The first time I got to use a flashlight in a "tactical" capacity was with this light.  I was doing security at a large local retail store during Christmas and was performing a perimeter patrol of the building at night.  While doing so I came across a homeless (I assume) man sleeping behind some steel storage containers that were located along the side of the building.  I turned the M3 on, placed the beam approximately at his torso and attempted to wake him up.  It took a little while but I eventually managed to do so.  Once he was awake and standing he began to walk toward me to leave the area but stumbled in my direction.  In the moment I responded as if he were rushing me and moved the flashlight beam from his torso to his face.  The man responded as if I had stiff-armed him.  He put his right hand up to shield his eyes and said something to the effect of, "get that fucking light out of my face".  As it was no longer just theory for me, I was now a "true believer" in the use of "white light" as a self defense tool.  Unfortunately I still had to carry my E2e when not in uniform because the M3 is so large.

Sometime later I discovered Malkolff Device's M50 drop-in bulb assembly (no longer available.  It has been replaced by the M61).  The M50 put out an amazing 250 lumen!  I immediately purchased it (from Unique Titanium) and a SureFire Z2 body to put it in.  I now had a super bright compact flashlight that was appropriate for both professional and EDC use.  I have had this for a couple of years and have loved it.  A little while later I also purchased a SolarForce bezel with stainless steel crenellated bezel ring (from lighthound) and a Blade-Tech kydex "pouch" to carry it in. 

Recently I discovered a company called OVEREADY (they applied the capitol lettering) and got very excited about a number of their products.  The first thing I purchased from them was a Peak Logan XPG light with a momentary switch and a stainless steel pocket clip.  I did this because it puts out 50 more lumen than my SureFire Z2/Malkoff Device M50 at about half the size.  Although the size of the Z2 isn't really that much of an issue, if I'm wearing clothing without a belt, e.g., sweat pants, it's kind of  a pain to carry and I noticed I've had a tendency to leave it at home. The smaller size of the Peak Logan assures that all I have to do is slip into my pocket and I'm good to go.  This has become my EDC light and I carry it with me any time I'm out of the house (it's my back-up light while I'm at work).

I then purchased from OVEREADY a TorchLAB L3 Triple XPG - Three Level Drop In and a SureFire 9P body to put it in, along with a black stainless steel crenellated bezel ring and a McClicky "hard press" tailcap.  This set-up puts out a stupendous 1100 lumen!  On top of this it is adjustable to 330 lumen and 22 lumen as well.  I've had the chance to use it on unruly patrons at work (as a bouncer) and it stops people in their tracks like nothing I've seen.  People just can't look at it without turning away.  I've stopped fights with it and have made most of my coworkers envious. (Added on 03/28/11:  I had a slightly different experience this weekend while using this flashlight on an intoxicated young woman who wouldn't drop an issue and leave the property at the club.  As she was yelling that she was going to kick some other girl's ass at the top of her lungs and trying push through two bouncers to get to her I walked up and shined the flashlight in her eyes.  She immediately stopped in place, closed her mouth and stared wide eyed into the light, something like a deer caught in the headlights of a car.  I'm not sure what would have caused this response, in a neurological sense, but it worked wonderfully and gave us the opportunity to direct her away from the object of her attention.)

Now the only problem is that the wheels of technological advancement are continually turning.  As I was looking up links for this blog, I discovered that OVEREADY is already offering a new compact flashlight based on the TorchLAB L3 called the "Moddoolar Pocket" .  It's only a little larger than my Peak Logan and puts out 800 lumen.  Oh well.  I'll give it a couple of years and then probably get something even better...

Rememberng "Dee Dee":

My Grandfather passed away three years ago today.  Until that day I had no idea it was possible to miss anybody as much as I miss him.

For his "Celebration of Life" many people wanted to speak about their experiences of him.  I did as well.  Unfortunately, being the procrastinator that I am, I waited until the day of to begin writing a speech and was, in fact, at the location of the celebration before I began. 

As people began to arrive, I sat in the back of the room with a legal pad putting together what I thought would be an appropriate and heartfelt speech.  I remember very little about that day but my mom later told me that I received a standing ovation for what I read.  I'm told this is fairly unusual under the circumstances.

Because it is the anniversary of his passing and he is very much on my mind, I wanted to post that speech and share with the world at large what I think of my grandfather and what he means to me.

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I had to severely pare this speech down.  If I had not, I could've talked about my grandfather for the rest of the afternoon, and probably kept you here well into the evening.

This is ironic, considering that I don't believe that anything I say can adequately describe my feeling of love, respect and admiration for him.  But I will try...

In the cosmic family lottery, I won the jackpot.

Many of you know that I called my grandfather "Dee Dee". What you may not know however is why.

When I was a baby, my mom had a hard time making the transition between calling him "dad" and calling him "grandpa".

During this transition, she would sometimes stutter when she would catch herself saying "dad" instead of "grandpa".  I picked up on this and the stutter became "Dee Dee".

Considering the role he played in my life, I think that this transition between "dad" and "grandpa" is particularly fitting.

I had a hard time growing up.  It was not until just a couple of years ago that my family and I came to understand that this was largely due to an undiagnosed case of Attention Deficit Disorder.

With all the troubles and tribulation I put my family through, the one constant in my life was the knowledge that Dee Dee was--and always would be--there for me...to support me in every way he knew how, and even when he didn't know how, by just being present.  He never gave up on his belief in my potential. 

What I am finding myself missing most, now that he has passed on, is the simple sense of his supportive presence.

As a role model, Dee Dee was a template for how to be a good man.

He defined integrity and character.  His word was his bond.  This can not be argued with.

He was fearless--and in fact ferocious--in defending his family, his friends, his country and his sense of honor.

Dee Dee liked to repeat a quote, with a twinkle in his eye, that goes, "I will stand my post in a military manner and take no shit from the company commander."

In my experience of him, Dee Dee always stood his post, he always conducted himself in a military manner and he didn't take shit from anybody.

For the rest of my life I will remember my grandfather, (his name)--Dee Dee--as possessing a keen mind, a good heart and a noble and indomitable spirit.

First stint at the Warming Center:

For those who aren't familiar with the concept, and haven't yet read my first post, I volunteer with an organization that is called a "warming center".  According to its website, "The (warming center) is a coalition of community members representing providers, nonprofits, faith and social activists communities and local government who have come together since 2008 to ensure that homeless people have shelter during a cold spell, the warming centers mission is simple: to ensure that homeless people in (my greater metropolitan area) have a place to sleep indoors when temperatures drop to 28 degrees or below between November 15th and March 31st."

Although I've been on the roster of volunteers for quite some time, my days off haven't meshed with the days/nights the warming center has been open.  Because of this I've just had my first actual volunteer experience with them and it was, well...interesting.

It began with me showing up at the location--the basement of a downtown church--at 10pm and checking in at the front desk where I met the two other people I would be working with that night.  I then met up with the programs director who showed me around the cite, explaining some of the ins and outs of how things worked.

A little while later all the previous shifts volunteers left for the night and I was left with the two other volunteers and about 50 "guests".  It all started pretty slowly and the three of us mostly spent the first couple of hours getting acquainted, BS-ing with some of the guests who couldn't sleep and checking new guests in.

Most all of the first night was pretty slow.  There were a couple of things though that caught my eye.  The first was the personalities of the guests.  I didn't get to see everyone because the majority of the people "hit the sack" before my shift started and I left before most everyone got up, but there were a few people who checked in while I was there and/or couldn't sleep so they came into the lobby out of boredom.  

Right up front I noticed the guys who seemed to want to be noticed, i.e., being boisterous and obnoxious.  This appeared to me to be a "defense mechanism" of sorts, intended to not let people get to close, both physically and emotionally.  Surprising to me was that a couple of these sorts actually seemed fairly intelligent, if not educated (some of their thoughts and opinions on subjects were way out there, but fairly well thought out nonetheless).  It was somewhat interesting to talk with them for a while, but it got a little tiresome after they began to want to argue their points when I wasn't disagreeing with them.

Then I noticed the people who were obviously intoxicated in some way or another.  One man was so drunk he couldn't sit up, let alone stand up.  He kept falling over while sitting on the curb outside the front door.  We helped him inside, got him a blanket and set him on a mat.  After a while though we had to move him to a room by himself because he began to yell and scream in his sleep, causing the other guests to nearly riot. 

Next I noticed the people, mostly women, who tried not to be noticed.  Eyes and head down, no eye contact, soft speech, etc.  Again I suspect this was a defense mechanism. 

The last thing that caught my eye were the types of clothing people were wearing.  Although there were a lot of people who looked like they got most of their clothing out of a "free bin", a number of them had some really nice outdoor clothing.  I don't know if it may have been stuff they had before they became homeless, received as gifts from family or (in my opinion, more likely) stolen from area outdoor stores, but I would have been happy wearing most any of it. 

One of the really interesting attributes of the warming center is that they don't turn anyone away.  You are welcome in any state of intoxication, appearance, cleanliness, mental health, etc.  Pretty much the only rules are no aggressive/violent behavior and no intoxicants on the premises.  The place is really kinda policed by the guests themselves.  They want to have a warm place to sleep on cold nights and don't want to loose the privilege.  Because many of them are friends on the street they can talk to each other and deescalate issues with better results than perhaps if I or one of the other staff were to get involved.   

An after action report:

As an "after action report" to my "A self-defense story" post (Sunday, January 30, 2011), I'd like to offer an analyzation of what had occurred:

I tend to divide threats into two (very) general categories: 1) the "flash" attack, in which an attack is not seen--or rather, noticed (many people have very poor situational awareness)--coming and/or the option to de-escalate it is simply not available and 2) the "monkey dance"/human (mostly--if not entirely--male) ritual violence attack, which is very overt and obvious and, assuming you keep your wits about you and don't play the game, can be de-escalated (I'm going to try to elaborate on my take on these two types of attack in a later post).

I'm blessed by having a very long fuse and a personal mantra of "Whatever someone says about you is more of a reflection on them than it is on you".  Because of this I have been able to, so far, de-escalate the second type of attack before it manifests, at least when the threat is directed at me specifically (it's a little more difficult for me to de-escalate a third party monkey dance).

The incident seems, to me, to have elements of both types of attacks.  In hindsight, I'm sure that the man who approached me didn't have any ill intent, but rather had very poor delivery.  His delivery is what made me react defensively.  Unfortunately for  him, I'm a big believer in the axiom "better safe than sorry".  As a side note, it occurred to me that I never experienced an adrenaline dump during the incident.   

While I initially responded to a perceived threat from him by "eye checking" him with my flashlight, he (drunkenly) countered as if I had offended him.  He began to escalate a monkey dance while I was attempting to mitigate him as a threat.  A very unfortunate case of mis-communication. 

Under the circumstances I think that the only thing that saved him a trip to the hospital, and me a possible trip to jail, is that I have enough training, experience and common sense to have not gotten caught up in the monkey dance.  By not taking his behavior personally and by not buying into the monkey dance, I avoided the (perceived) need to defend my pride/"honor" (ego) which allowed us both to safely go our separate ways.